Just Shoot Me!
by Chrish
Summary: Maya gets pregnant, Finch causes a girl to turn gay, Jack considers getting married again, Nina might be dating her biological brother.


                                                **                "Yep. That means 'You're knocked up.'"**

                **A/N: _Well, here it is, the story I've been thinking about in my mind for about three months! It's mainly about Maya's pregnancy, but it has other sidestories as well. All the main characters will be used, and I don't think I'm going to include Rena Sofer's character into the series since I don't know her personality or her characters name._**

_                         The other characters that will be included into this story are as follows: **Fantasia 'Fanny' Finch (Finch's Mother), ****Adrienne Barker (Finch's Ex-wife), ****Kevin, ****Chris Williams ("Maya Stops Thinking"), **** Mrs. Rhoda/Dolores DiMauro (Elliot's Mother), ****Mr. DiMauro (Elliot's Father), ****Abe Noodleman (Nina's Foster Father), ****Dorothy Noodleman (Nina's Foster Mother), and ****Sammy Rivers (Nina's Agent).    **_

                                _Characters that belong to me are as follows:  **Khandi Kane (Finch's Girlfriend),**** Sugar Kane (Cora's Mother), ****Cotton Kane (Cora's Father), ****David Collins (Nina's Real Brother?), ****Jamie (Evil Child). **__There will be some more and I'll explain them thoroughly so you get the idea of their appearance and personality. Don't worry, most of them won't be in this chapter. By the way, sorry if I have too many speaking parts together.. _

_                As the elevator opened, the beautiful Maya Gallo stepped out, heading for her office, sweat dribbling down her face. __Dear God let it say negative. Let it say negative, let it negative. Please, oh please, God. Just let it say negative. Negative.._

_                                A familiar voice called out. "Maya, there you are! I've been meaning to talk to you..."_

                Maya tried to ignore Elliot as she rushed into her room, but he followed her in. "You see," he continued, not seeing her snatch up the test from her desk, "I don't know if these pictures really go with that new article. I'd really hate if you had to re-write the entire thing.... Hey, what's that?"

                                "Oh, this?" Maya laughed nervously. "Nothing."

                                "It has to be SOMETHING."

                                "Well, it's certainly not a pregnancy test!" Maya mentally hit herself after saying that.

                Before Elliot DiMauro could reply, in rushed Nina Van Horn. "I'll take that," she said, snatching the test from  Maya's hand. "Wait.... What does blue mean? Maya? What does it mean!?!? FOR GOD'S SAKE, MAN, TELL ME WHAT BLUE MEANS!" Nina grabbed at Maya's shirt collar.

                                "That's mine!" Maya grabbed it back.

                                Elliot blinked in confusion.

                                Nina grabbed it back, "But I took one! I put it right here in your office for safe keeping!"

                                "Well so did I!"

                Nina groaned, putting her hands on her hips, then spotted another one at the corner of Maya's cluttered desk. Quickly she grabbed it up. "Negative! This one MUST be mine," she said, smiling as she turned and headed out the door. "Let me know when the baby shower will be!"

                                Maya ran up to Nina. "But, but... THIS could be yours!" She waved the positive test in the air.

                                "No, no, dear. I punch myself seven times before and after sex."

                                "Then how do you explain Chloe?" Maya asked.

                                "Well, I must've been too drugged up to remember to."

                                "Nina," Elliot asked, turning to her. "Why do you punch yourself before sex?"

                                "Uh... Bye!" Nina fled from the office, heading for the elevator. Maya let out a war-cry and darted after her, leaving the confused Elliot DiMauro standing in her office.

                                                                                                --

                                                **Seven Ways To Make Yourself Feel Sexy When You're Pregnant**

                                Dennis Finch watched as Nina darted through the room to the elevator, Maya nipping at her heels. "Oh, goody, cat fight," Finch purred.

                "Nina! Nina, stop!" Maya grabbed Nina Van Horn's shoulder. "We need to take another test to see who's is who's or else we'll never know! -- Well, I guess we *would* find out sooner or later when we started getting a little chubbier or eating more than usual or..."

                                "Sorry, dear, I'm fresh out," Nina smirked.

                                "Pregnancy tests?" Finch butted in. 

                                "Yeah," the two said in unison.

                                "Oh, then.." Finch dug into an open drawer in his desk, pulling out two tests. "Here you are."

                Taking the tests, the two women looked at each other, obviously confused. Maya then turned to Finch, "Finch, not that it's _any of my business -- but why the __heck do you, a guy who doesn't have a girlfriend,  have pregnancy tests in your desk?" _

                                "Believe me, dear Maya, you don't want to know," Finch sighed.

                Before anyone could say another word, Maya's question was answered when the voice of Jackson H. Gallo shouted "Dennnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssss, I need a few more teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeests!" Finch groaned.

                                "What the hell!?!?!" Nina asked.

                                "Again, don't ask. -- COMING JACK!" Finch grabbed a handful of pregnancy tests and headed into Jack's office.

                As soon as Finch exited, Maya grabbed Nina's shoulders. "Alright, Nina, let's get this over with! Lets march right into that bathroom and do this!" Maya then turned, heading towards the public bathrooms, grabbing the fleeing Nina's hand and pulling her along with her.

                                                                                                --

                                                **Is He ****Homo or Hetero? -- Our Sexperts Weigh In**

**                As Finch returned from Jack's office, Elliot rushed over to him, looking nervous as hell. "Dennis, I really, really, really need to talk with you," the nervous photographer said, looking around as though he was checking to see if there were any police around.**

                                "Sure buddy," Finch smiled, patting Elliot on the shoulder. "... About what?"

                                "Well," began Elliot, whom was dressed in his usual black suit and black hat, "if Maya's pregnant, you know how Jack'll react! He'll fire us!"

                "Whoa, whoa, whoa, settle down baldie. First of all, he wouldn't fire Maya. Secondly, of course he'd fire you. Lastly, --- since when have you and Maya been screwing again!?!?" Finch asked, leaning towards Elliot, hoping to hear all the juicy details.

                                "It just --- happened," Elliot sighed, heading off. "By the way, thanks for the help (sarcasm)."

                                "No problem!"

                                Elliot trudged off.

                                Suddenly Dennis Quimby Finch burst into dance. "I feel so good about myself! Tralalalala!" 

                While singing, a young woman, most likely a worker at Blush, stopped by the desk, kneeling down to her little brother. "Now, Jamie, that's what we call a person who has a 'same-sex partner'." Finch stopped looking down at the girl and boy.

                                "Oh, you mean GAY, right?" the little child asked.

                                "Sure," the girl said, tugging the child along as she headed towards her desk.

                                "HEY! THAT'S NOT NICE!"

                                The child stuck his tongue out. Dennis stuck his out, too.

                                From the office, Jack called for more tests.

                "Coming!" Dennis sighed, grabbing a handful from an open drawer. But before heading into Jack's office, he stopped, staring at the little boy. "I'll see you again, soon --- Jamie!" Laughing insanely, he headed into the office of his boss.

                                                                                                --

                                                                **Sex In The Bathroom -- Romantic?**

                Inside the dark, damp bathroom, Nina Van Horn and Maya Gallo were in seperate stalls. After about a minute, Nina jumped out of hers. "It says negative! It says negative, Maya! Look! Look! Look! It says negative! Ha ha! In your face!"

                                Maya exited her stall. "Nina, you have to wait fifteen-to-twenty minutes!"

                                "THAT LONG!?!?" Nina asked.

                                "Well, maybe you should start calling the people who *might* be the father."

                                "Jesus Christ, Maya, do you know how long that would take?" Nina put her hands on her hips, staring down at the shorter girl.

                                "Better start now then!" Maya smiled, walking off, leaving Nina frowning.

                                                                                    --

                "I guess the chicken decided not to show up," Finch smiled, looking at his watch as he stood in the cold, damp parking lot, waiting for the child who had called him gay. Who had insulted his sexuality. Who had angered him to a point of no return.

                                "What little chicken?" Came a dark, evil voice.

                                Finch turned, coming face to face with the little bugger himself.

                                "So we meet again, James."

                                "Oh, yes we do, --- gay guy!"

                                "I have a name!"

                                "Yeah, Gay Guy!"

                                "Nuh-uh!"

                                "Uh-huh!"

                                "Nuh-uh"

                                "Uh-huh!"

                                "Uh-huh!"

                                "You just agreed with me! Ha!" Jamie cried, running up and jumping onto Finch's foot.

                "OWW! HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR! -- Y--y--you're suppose to say Nuh-uh and then I win!" Finch cried as the boy ran off, giggling insanely. "You're such a big meanie! I hate you! I hate you forever and ever and ever.." Finch continued as he bent down, nursing his wounds.

                                                                                --

                                                          **Phone Sex -- The True Stories**

**                Dennis Q. Finch, no longer busy giving tests to Jack Gallo, his boss, strolled over to Nina, who sat on a desk, twirling her finger around the cord of the phone she was talking on. "Nina, what in the heck are you doing?" He asked.**

                                "Calling people," Nina quickly said, returning to her call.

                                "Didn't your test read negative?"

                "You really think that's why I'm calling these people?" Nina asked, then returned to her conversation. "Tom Cruise? -- TOMMY! Long time no see... But --- but...." Nina groaned, hanging up the phone. "Goddamn Penelope Cruz!"

                Suddenly the elevator door opened and Maya appeared, stepping into the room and heading for her office, when she was confronted by Elliot. "What'd the test say?" The photographer asked, scratching his head. Scratching his half-BALD head.

                                "Ooh, I forgot about that! Uh.. hehe!" Maya ran into her office, then ran back with the test in hand.

                Maya Gallo took a deep breath, bringing the test up to her face. If it said positive, that meant that her whole life would change, she'd be in charge of a whole new life, and look old like Nina! Maya almost screamed, then sighed as her eyes rested upon the test. "Don't worry," she laughed, "it says positive! --- PHEW!"

                                "Oh thank Go--" Elliot began, then suddenly realized that was **bad.**

                                "POSITIVE!?!?!?" Maya and Elliot screamed.

                                "Yep. That means 'You're knocked up,'" Finch smiled.

                _Sorry if you didn't find it funny. I've kind've lost my inspiration. Also, I'm sorry that I didn't include Jack that much in this story.. Then again, Nina wasn't really main at all, either.. Thanks for actually reading it all! Review and tell me what you think -- and be honest!****_

                ****

**                                                **


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